83. 200. All you need is love. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. One of the most important aspects of affirmations is how authentic they feel to you. - Jeffrey Gitomer. I'm having a staff meeting.". Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. I am lazy till I get a motive. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. I can do this. 63. 9. 8. 71. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 6. Positive mindset affirmations. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. You can only be young once. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Every day I am devoted to my passions and dreams. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. (John 14:27) 27. 156. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 96. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Sincerely, the floor. It doesnt work if it is not open. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. Bill Murray. I can create positive change in the world. 54. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 221. 73. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. I am full of vitality. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. Be careful when you follow the masses. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. 8. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. 198. I am positive. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. 2. 179. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. They allow you to focus on the positive and what is working in your life rather than dwelling on the negative. 128. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way. 174. 1. 9. grateful. 7. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 167. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. It was created to do amazing things. 232. I am too lazy to be lazy. A backbone. 201. 27. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? You were too lazy to read that number. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. A backbone. Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. 224. 76. I intend to live forever. 203. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. But sometimes affirmations may not work. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 168. 193. 199. - Kyle Chandler. "Your mistakes don't define you.". 10. 59. It just plain forms. 101. I didnt want to interrupt her. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? I can always be fatter. Enjoy! Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. 19. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. My jokes do. 168. 47. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. 194. I want to afford them., 2. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. I am wise enough to make the same mistake again!, 8. When life closes a door, just open it again. Alison Boulter Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? Or maybe, you just love cracking jokes and making people laugh. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. 56. In the morning, I cant get up. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. Awesome things will happen today if you choose not to be miserable., 7. 110. 152. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 153. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". I breathe in and out. 197. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. 71. 219. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. They planet. I have a lot to offer. 141. Read the first word again. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. When they go away, its a brighter day. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. 202. Infographic: What is the Ultimate Commitment. 238. Funny Friday Quotes. 109. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. 8. Without further ado, lets look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 26. Its called tomorrow. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Really? 92. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". "I am becoming humorous day by day.". 181. 245. 237. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 65. - Irish Saying. 4. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. New year, new me. Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre overwhelmed, stressed, or just dealing with negative self-talk. A gummy bear. 9. But then again so does . Love your enemies. I know the best time to make fun. 117. Albert Einstein, 190. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. You wanna know who Im in love with? 84. Franklin Jones 236. Absorb these 41 positive quotes and positive affirmations and start feeling positive now! 100. 212. Snowballs. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 119. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. My son is now an entrepreneur. 112. 234. 240. Albert Einstein. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Everyone wants to talk with me because I am very funny. Thank God Im an atheist. 197. I am lazy till I get a motive. Any text will do. 7. 38. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. 236. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. 155. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. 220. 179. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. I am on a seafood diet. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. 149. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . - Unkmown. 1. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Education cost money. 268. Franklin Jones, 259. I create my life on a quantum level. 68. 279. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. 3. 194. In between, I am alive. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. In the morning, I cant get up. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. I am constantly growing and improving. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? All you need is love. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 5. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. My chins are a stairway to heaven. Because it was soda pressing. Don't forget to be awesome. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. - Jack London. A wishbone. 188. 57. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! 47. 90. 263. It will just flow naturally. 3. Your values become your destiny. We need to hear a pin drop. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. 101. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 271. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. 55. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. Funny positive affirmations do work. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. 61. A person with a great sense of humor is also more likable. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. 72. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. 186. If only common sense were more common. George Burns Benjamin Franklin Just like every Monday does on Earth. 115. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. 82. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. "Disconnect to connect.". Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Happiness is a choice. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. 98. 26. 8. 178. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. Stuart Turner, 247. - Unknown. I ve had great success using daily affirmations for my personal development. 234. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. 13. But you can always be immature. Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. 213. 254. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. Just like every Monday does on Earth. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 217. 51. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. Share them with your friends and colleagues and make them smile too. 150. 42. 223. With a cowculator. Read the first word again. Theres no stopping me now. 104. I am calm, patient and at peace. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. 141. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 214. 183. Socrates. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 140. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Envelope. Edward A. Murphy. 211. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Good morning! Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Bill Murray Cindy from Marzahn. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. What do I do for a living? Microchips. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Ken Dodd, 255. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 226. Description for this block. I receive what I believe. Robert Bloch. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Friends buy you food. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 158. 180. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Laughter brings me closer to people. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 231. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. It may feel useless but just get into it. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. Sam Levenson. I am fine. My mistakes dont define me. I'm a peli-can! Today is a great day. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Walter Bagehot Im like a postage stamp. 268. My mind is becoming much sharper. 64. Chris Rock, 256. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 33. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. Why cant you trust an atom? 187. Happy Birthday.". Best friends eat your food. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 118. Not everyone has good taste., 3. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I feed my spirit. I wish my wallet came with free refills. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. 9. If only common sense were more common. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. I didnt want to interrupt her. 2. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 116. Because it was soda pressing. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 169. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Exercise? 157. 1. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. Bill Murray For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. 15. 2. It has nothing new to tell you. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. I enjoy every minute of it. We need to hear a pin drop. I release all shame about my body. 265. The library, because it has so many stories. 171. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! 125. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". I did it! Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 165. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 32. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. This is a snap. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.