why do serial cheaters want to stay married why do serial cheaters want to stay married

I told a friend of my h and mine that Id had an affair. Actually, now I think Id just walk out and leave him with the whore. As for that woman who reported to you and was trying to get your husbands attention. Unfortunately he began to enjoy them after his father died and business was nearly failing. Oops, didnt get to finish my comment. Serial infidelity has been correlated with personality disorders. They know that most men want to be a hero, and as long as they show a damsel in distress act, then the man, wont even look at them. You begin to distrust your own sense of reality. By the way, my best friend of thirty years said the same thing about taking the B out to the parking lot to settle it once and for all. Someone who knows who you are and likes who you are. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Lets take a look at some of the most common answers to this big confusing question Why do cheating husbands stay married to their wives? Or, Our relationship is un-fulfilling sexually and emotionally, so I have to get it elsewhere,'" Wish said. For some, a one-time thing is a total dealbreaker. I was humiliated at family functions she attended. If you've been cheated on, you've probably wondered why your partner made that hurtful decision in the first place. Many men and women have a paramour unbeknownst to their partner. I could have used the thousands of $$ wasted on fake marital therapy to get out of town. Repeat cheaters may be prone to infidelity because of an addiction to sex. For most I believe they have something lacking in their own character and it makes then easy prey for an affair. I made a mistake in staying with him. There is an awesome book called Quiet that describes the incredible value introverts have to offer, especially in terms of future innovation and contributions to society. There is hope, though, Edelman explains that serial cheaters can seek therapy with professionals to help them get to the bottom of their experiences. You are far too nice and here is why I say you are too nice: your ex-affair partner has his issues and it is apparent that you feel sorry for him in a way that takes the focus off you having to meet your own needs. Honestly to think that was our darkest moment, and we can say, we got through to the other side, a stronger couple. He may consider it a mistake, even if it keeps on happening. Serial cheaters dont think cheating is as big of a deal as one-time cheaters do. If you've been cheated, trust that you're not alone in this experience and, though this is hurtful, it doesn't reflect on your worth as a partner or person. His Meyers-Briggs was ESTF. She will think because he wants her to get to know you that he wants to socialize with her. 4. Displaces blame: This man constantly displaces the blame onto others when he is clearly the person at fault. I have four of these traits, but at a very low level. She only wanted to answer to the men. Recent statistics from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy confirm that over 57% of men and 54% of women admit to cheating. It's easy to do because they're eerily good at it. Just a whole heap of mind games. Sure they can overcome it but it will take a lot of personal fortitude and work and even then they still know they can do it AND get away with it for a while. Im sure she thought because my H had had an affair he would be easy picking so I caught her many times trying to make small talk. Now this man had by all appearances and actions to have not only completely remove himself from all his nefarious contacts by moving across the country and his children. Thankfully he finally opened his eyes. Their past behavior is a good indication of future behavior. I will say I have highly correct intuition about people and situations which has never proven me wrong. My inlaws avoid me since Im a cold bitch who wont go to funerals etc, nor do my kids want to go. We had a huge heated discussion and I very firmly pointed out how his demeanor sends the wrong message to females. I could never be involved with an addict or alcoholic again. He may come to see how loyal, devoted, and giving she is and recognize that hes not going to find anyone else who loves him like she does. Frequent arguments with a partner. He may feel that his marriage is over and thats why he cheated. They might disown him or distance themselves. You cannot turn off the thoughts of what they did or calm your mind enough to allow you to relax into sleep mode. The ow, we talk about, are the ones that have no conscience, who seek out married men to manipulate and take the life of the unsuspecting wife. Hopefully he will never let his guard down, I know I wont. Very openly complimentary. Serial cheaters are exactly what their title . Get a confession: While . [deleted] 6 mo. It could have turned out so different. Same here. Fast forward to the tenth time she hooks up with Prince Charmings best friend, and Cinderella doesnt give a single damn. I will say your H needs to totally ignore her. We do it for many reasons, most of which are good. Now were going to discuss the main reasons why most serial cheaters want to stay in a marriage relationship. This leaves the men alone. (I wasnt married to my ex which shouldnt have made a difference but it did, his refusal to commit made me rethink my faithfulness.) Apart from financial loss, cheating husbands may also stand to lose the people closest to them. As relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle, serial cheaters are used to cheating. 4. Unstable emotional regulation. 2.No Backup or Exit Plan: One of the main reasons is Serial Cheaters don't have any backup or exit plan to divorce their partner cause they never thought of getting caught. How long does it take to get over a cheating spouse? It shocked him, when he saw I chose to fight for him. May you have many more years together, growing together, and may your husband continue to recognize and show gratitude for the jewel that he has had all along. Your mistake thinking I was like you, and wouldnt fight for what was right, you thought I wouldnt fight to save my marriage and to save my husband and children from the likes of you. "Serial cheaters are often unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others,"says Alsaleem. You are a good person, dont ever think your not, and dont ever think your not deserving of a happy marriage with your h, because you are. As relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle, serial cheaters are used to cheating. Honestly, talk about blinders being on. I want you to quit hating yourself and hating HIM! He used to tell me she was not very smart, she needed help with everything. Its like they say, misery loves company. In some cases, a serial cheater goes through a collapse in the marriage and finds another person who gives the emotional attention and sexual desire he craves, and they want to lose it. I hope this was helpful. December 6, 2019. By clicking Sign up, you agree to receive marketing emails from Insider All kinds of things predict infidelity. Im not jealous, but Im not putting up with that shit either. You were manipulated and used by a pro. If this type of personality enters into an affair and loves the feeling, it is highly unlikely he will go back to faithful behavior. He didnt get to go through all his explanations and get his ego stroked anymore. These serial cheaters are opportunistic predators. What I was blown away by was that your assistant, who you hired, would come in and attempt to pull him in to something. Him having to go to some kind of treatment should tell you a lot about the real person he is. Sometimes we all need to hear the cold, hard truth even if its hard to take. I said and by the way, she did the wrong thing, putting her exh on speaker phone, because she only did that, so out of all the conversations you hear of them talking, she puts the one on that has him get angry on. When he wanted an ego boost,some drama, and a nice piece of ass, call gizfield, day or night cause she loves you and will come running. I asked if his wife had got my letter and he said yes she saw it but she still wants to smash your face against a wall. Im a stay at home Mom with two very young kids and he controls everything. (There are sincere compliments that normal people give each other and then there are the over the top compliments and flattery that narcs give.). And the reason they haven't usually has to do with pre-judging their wives coupled with a fear of being judged and denied their needs in an unpleasant way. I would be curious to see what Doug and Linda have to say about traits that make a person less likely to cheat. Maybe he got caught before he thought through an exit strategy. So being friendly and having people on her side would have helped, I think. On the other hand, stranger things have happened and i realize that. I just feel so bad for Eyes because she has really beat herself up over the affair. Oh yeah I think he saw the light but I think its because Mrs. MM said look here you tosser (LOL like that, its English, I know get your crazy self to rehab or Im divorcing you this time and taking EVERYTHING! My only response was, Thats a smart guy.. Now books like Quiet are coming out and I have noticed that companies are starting to specifically look for qualities that are most commonly found in introverts. That is the last two years of nightmare marital bliss. 15 months ago I would not have imagined what Im dealing with now, courtesy of an ea(?) Dont give away your goodness to them. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. Less intimacy at home. You find yourself oscillating between deciding should you stay or should you go? However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. However, an affair can just be an affair if both partners are committed to restoring faith and honesty. She believed he was only with me because if the children, because she was so wonderful, why would he stay with the wicked wife, unless for the children. Sometimes a cheating husband doesnt even feel guilty in this scenario because he doesnt believe he has really hurt his wife. I would have grabbed that damn phone locked myself in the bathroom and read everything whether he called me crazy or not, and then I would have given him 5 min to leave. He may not put as much significance on a physical relationship. Sarah, Thankyou very much, so sweet of you to say. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. Its a common misconception that cheaters dont care about their wives. If he uses them frequently, his better judgment has taken a very long sabbatical and it wont be returning anytime soon. The girlfriend of a married narcissist will hear a myriad of excuses for why he hasn't gone through with a divorce, all based around plausible deniability . "Narcissists are preoccupied with feeding their ego, which makes them prime candidates to be serial cheaters," she says. Serial cheating is nearly always the result of men marrying for reasons other than love Citizenship, for example.Add into that equation children that guilt the father into staying, despite the fact that the marriage is, and always has been loveless. How did the affair evolve and what were some of the clues the wife could have seen? Oh well. People from all sorts of backgrounds and with all types of personality are capable of cheating. She must be shaking her head thinking WTF is he doing with her, he told me he couldnt stand her and now here they are traveling all over together, working together, what the hell happened? It blows my mind. I talked with certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman, who specializes in women's issues and relationships, to learn what's going on in the mind of a serial cheater. Narcissism: This person displays pathological selfishness, an extreme sense of entitlement, and he is always looking for new sources (people) to feed his ego. Hah- I have found that HR honchos rarely read or consider anything that is truly useful. He said that it wasnt all your fault though which really made me cross. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. I think you are right, most wives only know about the most recent affair but in the end does it really matter? Scott Free Productions An unwillingness to disclose the details surrounding an affair might indicate selfishness and this isn't a recipe for future success. What Garrett is basically saying is that serial cheaters are either sociopaths who dont feel guilt or remorse about sleeping around, or theyve simply cheated so much that their brains have adapted to their sinful, adulterous ways, and they dont care anymore. She wants your life. The truth is, anyone can be unfaithful it just depends on how you define the term. Loved doing it. Nor do I need them to know everything about me. Trust in your spouse may be important but that paradigm is forever altered and is unreal. But, I can bet you money that if he would have left to be with her, just being with her would be a hell worse than anything Dante could have imagined. Again, it's a time of wild sex fuelled by this pain and the emotiona. More opportunities to cheat can lead to a habit of cheating. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. (Meant with all sarcasm). I think I would have been very upset from the get-go as soon as I saw that happening. He appears to lack a conscience in all of his social dealings. I cannot help him or otherwise solve his issues and I am now releasing him to a higher power. Should You Stay with an Unfaithful Husband. Turns out "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. She has suggested meeting for coffee twice and you have not answered her twice. Cheating can ruin a sweet relationship into a disaster in a second. I do not know how you held out 6 months. Make sure you have a face to face conversation about the same. Maybe he never really wanted to get married, and he only did it because its what society expected of him. You may have gotten into his head for a little whole, but you thought you needed to ruin a good man to end up getting your way. Now, my husband thinks, that because she lives with her boyfriend and owns a house with him, that she is lonely to have another couple to befriend. You ask yourself how you could have been so blind as not to have seen what was going on behind your back. I am an introvert, not really concerned with appearances, grew up with many positive marriage role models, dislike talking on the phone or texting, emailing a lot. In the beginning, these guys are often friendly, charming, and non-threatening. He has reeled it in a lot over the years in terms of being more cautious around women. How and why did it end and who ended it? The ap for you, the ow/om for us, although we know they arent worth the time or space in our minds, they have caused so much havoc in our lives, that it is hard for us to truly let go of the thoughts that come to mind, and we end up getting emotionally tired and upset, just wanting them to leave our minds for good. So, my husband is charming like that, but with everyone, even if they are 90-year-old men who are wheelchair bound. I didnt stand up for myself, I believed my lying h over my vomiting body and I let myself down as much as he let me down. They also may enjoy living two separate lives. I think its important at my stage to never assume they wont again and thats a chance I take everyday. Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, a licensed marriage and couples therapist, told Fox News that couples who stay together after infidelity have compelling reasons to do so. I just sent the same thing to them and BEFORE I read yours. He may not feel fulfilled by a life of monogamy. The good news is, the place where he works has shifts and different employees are rotated through different shifts constantly. I will certainly be the first to say it took a long time to actually see my affair partner for his true self. They may desire more variety in their life and monogamy is difficult for them. They will blame you and accuse you of something they are actually doing. I think a lot of cheaters dont care if they get caught or not. (It would appear that she is a full-blown narcissist, by the way). We attended a couple of parties and I met a lovely woman that he had met at his church. My H is verrrrry charming. Attend couples counseling if you plan to stay together so you can rebuild trust. Zeynep Yenisey. They can be the big Hero. Do you think you had different reasons for entering into it than your affair partner did? If you dont want to see your AP , just say you cant. Truthfully sadly I STILL dont see him in a bad light . Yet seriously, I think with time, the place in our minds they take u space in will eventually disappear, and they will just be a distant memory, that is so insignificant, that we just couldnt give a rats ass, about how they treated us, how they manipulated the situation to their advantage, how they tried to destroy the life we know, because you know why? He knew how to do it. Lol. The pig is there wallowing in the mud with other pigs. What a good thing you did, apologising and informing her that you are not a threat to her marriage, and that she has nothing yo fear, you will not be contacting her h again. I would never intentionally say anything to hurt someone, well yes I would if they are a total asshole but certainly not anyone really trying to do right. Just found some interesting information in a study done by the University of Guelph. I accepted who he was, good parts and annoying parts. Feeling overwhelmingly powerlessness and broken. As they say, fool me once, shame on you. My spidey-senses say that she is a black widow waiting in the wings, planning when to pounce. Or wed be in a different place in our marriage. Dont want to deal with financial requirements: A third most important fact is that serial cheaters dont want to deal with the financial requirements of divorce. That is what matters. Have to weigh in on this string bc I have the exact same problem. So in a way it was my fault for giving her what she needed, to get her hooks into him. Theyll go to weddings, theyll go to funerals, theyll go online, and there are so many online things that no one can even tell. They do not want responsibility for their actions and their exes will mostly be discussed in a bad light. After that conversation, I found my child and we ran around the play area together. Flickr/imagineitall. I just pray that you have some support when you arrive in your new town. If you do remain with the serial cheater, here are some points to think about. What are some major events in Irelands history? I did know there was something wrong as after a week of his trip, which was the time she arrived to see her parents, he was being cold and uncaring, which before she got there, he was calling, telling me he loved me, missed me asking about his children etc, then a change just like that. Do you think during the affair started that the wife could have done things to stop it or did it need to run its course? 2010-2019 Emotional Affair Journey. He abhors drama and bad feelings and then goes overboard to make sure everyone is happy and there is no tension in the air). And each time I do that, she never answers me back but then starts in on my husband again. Sexting? When we talk about the ow, Im sure you know we are not meaning you, your one of us, really, you have been seeking out help and support, just like us, just a little bit on different sides of the fence. We the bs and the cs have been fighting for our marriages, our families, and on both sides, it wasnt easy, but my friend, we became stronger, within ourselves. One other trait I have that us kind of different is that Im an out of sight, out of mind kind of person. if someone is sleeping with multiple partners. Has anyone seen the film The Other Woman? I am not shy but he made me blush and nervous and heaped a lot of praise and attention on me. The ow, we despise are the ones that dont give a shit about who they hurt. Serial cheating is more common than you think. You thought you knew my h, but that was another one of your mistakes, you tried to change him to suit what you wanted, you thought he would think like you. Once they get so entangled in the affair and all the talk about each others misery in the primary relationships fuels and perpetuates the affair. Thats all (but maybe Im giving myself too much power again). This leads to resentment and seeking affection elsewhere. To quote facebook, If you want to act single, be single. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course.