He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Bruce Lansky. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Required fields are marked *. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? I like big putts and I cannot lie. Learn More. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. If you break 80, watch your business.". Bruce Lansky, Author. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. happen again! That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Your email address will not be published. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Because he thought every day he needed to play around. 8. Do you know why the game is called golf? Its almost a law. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". 7. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. . "Hockey is a sport for white men. It can be difficult. Dirt your body. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Wanna be my caddy? How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Because her coach was a pumpkin. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. He couldnt stop puttzing around! Its to move on. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Funny Family Poems. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. If you break 80, watch your business. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. These quotes and images about funny golf are the truest, wisest, and most positive ones to be found on the web. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Nuts! If we . Recently, I have discovered that Blogging can be quite a useful way, to share. All through the night they made wild love together. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? 4. 6. Keep your sense of humor. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Damn, my shaft's all bent. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? After 18 holes, I can barely walk. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. My drives aren't always long and straight. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. A hole in one of a kind model. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Peter Jacobson, 33. Fore-get Me Nots. 4. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. I'm Tiger Woods. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Your second mental problem is concentration. At the golf corpse! Because all the other four letter words were taken. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. Jim Murray. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Does a bear crap in the woods? You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. I know what to look for. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. I give him the driver. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" I never prayed that I would make a putt. About 160 yards was his reply. 3. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? "If you break 100, watch your golf. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Required fields are marked *. Noah. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. Although worried this will slow him up, the younger man says, Of course. To his surprise, the old man plays quickly. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Jack Benny. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. All lip, no hole. -Happy Gilmore. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Just ask my ex -wives. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). P.G. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Golf is like doing your taxes. Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. We have a threesome, care to join us? My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. Whos there? His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. In case he gets a hole in one. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. fodrizzle. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Get in the hole! Very interesting. 3. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Fore! What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. 8. 7. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. You look like someone who likes to swing. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Winston S. Churchill, You ought to take more exercise if youre inclined to have a liver. -Lee Trevino A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. Please add a link to this article. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. Besides that, I love to explore. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. 3. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Go to the golf course. when we were married," said the pouting wife. It bends a little to the left. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. PG Wodehouse. the flag cant jump. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. He said. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. 4. If you drink, dont drive. Just tap it in. Oh my God, what have I just said?". Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? It was glorious when you did! The means are as important as the ends. Boo. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Play golf. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. 8. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? Golf Quotes About Life 22. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Such is the game. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Dave Hill, My swing is then adjusted / as words take off and fly / And landing safe beyond the trap / to make the devil cry. Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. The threesome were curious what was going on. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! 2. Whos there? / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. So, I'm on the first tee with him. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Clubbing. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Watch their eyes. Two, be your own person. Another Ball in the Trees. Because he walked into the wrong club! And it matters how we go about attaining them. It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. Henny Youngman, Go play golf. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. What is a golfers favorite bird? Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. 3 / 10. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. Please read here for more information. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Family Game: Do you really know your Family? "Damn, my shaft is all bent." No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. I Am Shuvo Saha. 6. Check it out now! As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. 3. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. ", George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. It can be rewarding. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. - Bobby Jones The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. So, what are your thoughts? "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Your email address will not be published. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Here, have a carrot! Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Knock, knock I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. You shot an eight. If you win through bad sportsmanship, thats no real victory. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 11. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! -Bob Hope Their expectation, however, is very different. Your email address will not be published. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Two rounds a day are plenty. Sunday Service. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Andy who? With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10.